you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So squirting runs in the family.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
