he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's never too late to be topless.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
