so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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