what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
