I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
