I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
