my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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