The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i think my cat just said my name.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
