I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
