it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Found the puke drawer
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
