Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
