So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
