My underwear smells like fireworks.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
