You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Drunk is a universal language darling
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
