Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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