just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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