What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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