the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
