I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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