the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
