dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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