Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
