Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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