woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
