so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
