My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
