i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
