No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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