Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hippo gnu deer
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
