haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
