You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
