3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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