You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
