I've blown a few things in my day
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
