i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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