Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
