Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
