I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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