Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
then he tried to convert me to islam
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
