I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
