listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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