dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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