the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
only you would photoshop your dick
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
