O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
