After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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