do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
