he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
