So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
