So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
