i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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