she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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