we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is Oprah even human
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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