the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
